My baby is growing up! One sad mommy!

When the kids go away for a night at their grandparents house I start to get sad. Not because their gone having a wonderful time but because I am alone and realize that they are growing up. My oldest Jay just left to stay the night with his Meme & Pawpaw (In-laws). Now I am sitting here writing this and I realize that he is getting older. Next year he will be five and be starting school. It’s just a lot to take in for a mother. Right now when either of them leaves it’s like a whole half of me is gone and I can’t seem to function right.

Jay was my second child (we lost our first to a miscarriage when I was sixteen.), but he was my first. The first time I felt the love from a child to a mother. The first time I felt what it was like to hold someone so little in your arms knowing that they depend on you for everything possible.  Back when Jay was born I was only eighteen but I had the love and support from my family to help guide me along the way. The saying , “ When a child gets older, they fail to realize that their parents are aging as well.” Is really playing in my ears over and over.

The past year of my life has been full of death, it seems as if everyone I love dearly was just ripped from me. The thought of my children losing their father or me is a thought that I have almost constantly. In my head I don’t see a grown man standing over his dead mother with his family, instead I see the little feller that he is now with a family behind him. I guess it’s just a momma thing but my babies will always be my babies. Now to get off of the lonely sad days of depression and enjoy the lovely photos of my beautiful baby.